And Sometimes It Doesn't

Dear reader of my blog:

The three of you who occasionally read this blog are fantastic.  There isn't anyone smarter or more well-read.  I'm overjoyed that you read it.  You are not only smart, but you are also good-looking.

I am so thankful for computers, and blogs, and for my education which allowed me to read and write at all.  And I'm also thankful for my washer and dryer because they just make laundry so easy.  Oh, and there's my house.  So thankful I have a house to live in because I know there are people who don't have homes.  Most of all, I'm thankful that I can walk, although poorly.  Some people can't walk at all.  And my hubby, I'm thankful for him and for my kids.

For as long as I can remember I have heard the phrase 'Prayer Changes Things'.  I have listened to many sermons about prayer, what it is, what it isn't, how to pray, how not to pray, and about the Lord's prayer.  The sermons on the Lord's prayer were really the most annoying; taking each small fragment of that prayer and breaking it down to find hidden meaning in each word.  I never found that helpful.  Sometimes I even found it threatening.

 I remember learning that we are to address God as father, and that we should always lay on the praise before asking for anything in our prayers.  So do you have to start over if you accidentally start out your prayer with, "Dear Lord"?  Oh, and you must definitely tell God how thankful you are for various stuff before you ask for anything at all.  This stupidity sticks with me so that as I begin to talk with God about the things that trouble me, I'll stop and think, oh man, I didn't praise him.  Then I will go into what I call "fake praise" just so I can ask God for something and feel justified in asking.

Then I could address all the different methods of prayer.  How should I hold my hands?  Should they be folded?  Should my head be bowed?  Must I end a prayer with 'Amen'?  Should my head be covered?  Should I get down on my knees?  Can I pray while lying in bed?  Must I close my eyes?  Why?  Can I pray while doing something else?  Can I pray with actions instead of words?  My list of questions is endless.

Today I find myself frustrated by prayer.  Maybe it's a menopause thing, or maybe I just do it wrong, but it doesn't seem to work.  Have you ever prayed for someone only to find out that they got sicker after your prayer?  Did you ever pray for a reduction in pain only to have it increase exponentially?  Worst of all, have you ever prayed for someone on their death bed only to witness their immediate death after your prayer?  These situations drive me mad and make me sad. (Hey!  That rhymes.)  Why would any sane person keep praying in the same manner after seeing results such as these?

I know many of you will start arguing with me, and point out that sometimes our prayers get answered in a positive way.  Yes, I agree.  That happens.  But all of it leads me to believe that my prayers don't change a thing.  Am I allowed to even say that?

The book of Exodus says that God noticed the suffering of  his people while they were enslaved in Egypt.  God heard their cry and recognized their pain.  He heard their prayers and he decided to answer those prayers.  I wonder what it was that led God to notice their situation and then remember his promise to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob?  Was it their great suffering that moved God, or their desperate cries for relief?  Or maybe he just noticed because he is God and he's like that.

I'm thinking of taking a "prayer vacation" for awhile.  When I return maybe I'll have discovered something earth shattering about prayer, or perhaps I will uncover nothing new.  I do know that what I've been doing in prayer is not working.

And you people reading this, you are really all that.

Amen.